you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So squirting runs in the family.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
