i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
