yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
