Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
