This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
