so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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