By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
