We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
