Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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