i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
