your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
