good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
