I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
