Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
