I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
