Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
