so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Less talking, more tequila
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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