Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
