Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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