yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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