everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
