So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
