i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
