I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
