So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
