Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
