Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im holly from the hills drunk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
