Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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