**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
