Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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