Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
