Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
