Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
