This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
