So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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