the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
