College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
