Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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