PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
