Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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