he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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