actually, I'm a sock model
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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