I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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