Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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