How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
