As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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