I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
