Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
