I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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