he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
