That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
