is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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