I got chris browned last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
