His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
