his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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